Bad decisions, Santa and a bottle of whiskey

I started writing last night and this sounded pretty down.

I’m not going to lie, the spirits are currently low. I guess I am trying to figure out why I continue to make bad decisions and affect people around me.
I’ve always considered myself a good guy that tries to do the right thing and be good to people. Some of my recent actions probably haven’t followed that.
I suppose it sort of comes down to a couple of things. The first being that I continue to wonder if I am actually a good guy, but just make bad decisions. Or if that’s a false pretense. The other is I’ve always thought I’m a strong person. But I’ve let a lot of stuff really get to me lately. It’s stuff that I’d usually just let slide by. But for some reason I keep holding onto things, things I can’t change or that shouldn’t affect me.
Plus I wonder why I continue to care about things. Maybe it's just my nature. I care so much about things and people I just want things to be right. But let's be honest, things aren't always right.

I decided this morning that I am a good guy and that I will continue to try to do the right thing and continue to be good to people. When I'm surveying things, I've ran into multiple people in the last year — some new acquaintances and some long standing — that I for the most part have been good to. In the end, these people have done some shitty things to me.
But I continue to care about them, despite being hurt by one or more of their actions.

Looking back, I may have had one long standing friendship end because of this. That hurts.

I'm going to take all the personal accountability with this. In other words, I'm finding why it's my fault and I'm changing that. Even if it doesn't do anything to repair relationships. I'm more worried about myself anyway.
I read something interesting the other day.
It went along the lines of 95 % of failure accompanies an excuse. I'm done making excuses. Sure, people haven't necessarily treated me well — no one can expect people to always treat them well — but part of it has to rest with me.

I guess the big question I've been pondering is “what in the hell am I doing and what in god’s name is wrong with me?”
I really haven’t felt like this since I had a little slip up my freshman year that landed me in the sin bin. I reavaluted things, but at that time I was 19 and expected to make mistakes. After evaluating things, I've realized I'm not a bad person at all. In fact I have a lot of thing going for me.
One thing I've truly believed in is if you're good to people and continue to be good to people, then things eventually work out. So no matter what happens, I think I'll stick to it.

If that doesn't work, I guess I could just become a huge dick and be mean. So that could be the backup plan.

Anyway the holiday party was a HEF. Many, many Hef’s encapsulated into a wild and crazy night.
I’ll keep it short.
Me and the roomey’s rented costumes. I was Santa, Gee was an Elf and Stensland was a reindeer. Everyone else at the party was dressed in real nice clothes. So Spenny and I did a power hour before the party. Real bad idea. Power hour never leads to anything good.
Get to the party, I get real, real looped. Tell a joke that offends the whole party, rock out.
Go to the bar, have a couple of conversations that didn’t need to be had. Think I told a girl I know that I really like her, to no response.
Go home, then go to my friends place for some hot tubbing. Don’t make the hot tub. Have the awkward conversation for the umpteenth time with Ms. B. I was so drunk I don’t remember what was said for the umpteenth time. Then walk five miles home at 4 a.m. The conversation seems to never go anywhere, so I’m hoping to not have it again. But again, I continue to make bad decisions.
Monday was a waste of a day. Tuesday at work, everyone was looking at me weird. Like I offended everyone. I was still really hungover on Tuesday. Which was nice, since I hosted the morning show and covered stuff all day. This means I was at work at 6:30 a.m. and didn’t finish until 10:30 p.m. 16 hour day.
At work I just felt horrible all day. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I was actually depressed all day. Then find out one of my good buddies from work is leaving at the end of this month. It’s a great opportunity for him, but that’s one more of my people leaving me.

But now that that's over, it's vacation time the PB Boys. It should be good to help put things in perspective. Plus I need to get out of Steamboat for more than one reason right now. I think it will be good. In fact I know it will.

HEF of the Week
I said I told a joke that offended the whole place. Well here it is. Mind you I'm at a Christmas party dressed as Santa.
"What did Jesus say when he was on top of the cross?" "Hell of a view from up here."

The place went silent. Dead silent besides one guy.

You stay Classy Graham.